Till I have Who I'm Looking For

As my mind races
Locking into a familiar position
I find myself thinking
Not about you
But of me.
I wonder why the roles have changed in this play through.
I feel so many different thoughts
That my tongue is incapable of verbalizing them
leaving them trapped in an area
Invisible
To everyone but me and I alone.
And tonight
The thoughts more erratic
The thoughts firing more rapidly
Pinging off my brain as they do
Are now drowning me in
What if
Why didn’t you
You have to say
You have to see
SAY SOMETHING YOU STUPID IDIOT!!!
And at this point I find
That even in my inner mind
My insecurities reign supreme
Flushing out everything else.
And as I type this words
I stop and think
Why do they rule?
What do I have to do to escape…
Wait.
That is what I must do because I’ve been made to wait
To wait
And wait
And wait
And wait
Till the day I am released
Till the day I am free
Till the day I…fail.
Till the day I try.
Till the day I don’t give up and make the impossible come true.
Till the day I can smile and look inward and love the view.
Till the day that I haven’t seen.
Till they day my insecurities die.
And until the day that I move past just finding who I'm looking for
Till I have who I’m looking for